Lately, I have felt so alone. But yet, to look with my eyes, I am never alone. I have many, many happy moments of my life, that are full of people and surrounded by much love. Yet, this nagging, gnawing feeling kept creeping up on me, calling me, to a place of loneliness. I hated it, I rebuked it. It was so not true. Yet, even as I smiled and laughed, I could feel the fringes of this terrible feeling hanging on to every smile, and every warm relational moment. God, I can't believe this is true, what is going on. I sat in silence and listened. Then, I knew. I was lonely for the One that could only fill this place in my heart. The place that no person could fill. God was calling me to a deeper place of knowing Him, and loving Him, and letting Him be the only one that filled that place. It was made for Him, that place in my heart. So as I have listen and prayed and read this morning, I am experiencing a new place of depth with the One who loves me like no other. The fringes of loneliness have been removed by the only One who could remove them. How great and awesome is the love of God, how wonderful He is. I read this passage from the Message and it cut straight to the core of my own frailty and need for God:
"God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to You; even from a distance, You know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and You're there, then up ahead and You're there, too — your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful— I can't take it all in! Is there anyplace I can go to avoid Your Spirit? to be out of Your sight? If I climb to the sky, You're there! If I go underground, You're there! If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, You'd find me in a minute— You're already there waiting! Then I said to myself, "Oh, He even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!" It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to You; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to You." Psalm 139:1-12
There is so much much more to God than I will ever understand.
I am so glad He knows me intimately, like no one can.
Today, I long to know Him in ways I never have.
He is the answer to every question I have, every worry, every fear, every lonely place . . . He is the love of my life!
How He Loves by John Mark McMillan
He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.
So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way That he loves us,
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died
and You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
...they want to tell me You're cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true,
cause...[voice breaks]... Cause He loves us
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2 comments:
Lori,
I haven't checked your blog since October, but something was calling me to check this morning. I know God has been calling me to a deeper relationship with Him and I can't ignore Him anymore. I feel so wrapped up in the things of the world and I know I have lost focus of what really matters. Thank you for pouring out your heart and being so honest.
Adorei seu blog. Parabéns!!!
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